There are some things that a lot of people I know think that just aren’t so. I used to think some of these things too. I thought I’d share a few.
1. When I graduate from college and am working, I will have so much more time to do whatever I want to do.
False. I thought that because I wouldn’t be working on homework, papers, research, etc. that I would have more free time. But I didn’t. I worked all day without a break (except for lunch). So I wasn’t caught up on emails, phone calls, or anything else when I got home. Plus there was housework, laundry, cooking, grocery store runs… A lot to do.
2. When I get married, I’ll have even more time to hang out with friends because I’ll see my spouse all the time since we live together.
Nope. We live together, but we are busy during the day. Tom’s at his job, and I’m either at work or at home cleaning or out running errands. When he comes home, the time is eaten up with side jobs, working out, making dinner, and many other things. We do eat together every night, and we do spend time together, but it’s not like all we do is sit on the couch and talk the night away. So when the weekend comes, we are ready to have a date night. We usually have one night of the weekend reserved just for us. If that means turning down something with friends, we do it because we want our marriage to be nourished with time together.
BUT we do want to see our friends and family. And we do seem to see someone or some couple one night almost every weekend. The problem, though it’s a good one, is that we have a lot of friends and family. So we always feel like we are dropping the ball on seeing someone. We especially feel bad when our unmarried friends feel like “you’re married and see each other all the time, so why can’t you make time for us?” It’s hard to explain that we don’t hang out all the time, and that we have to make each other a priority, yet we miss seeing them and want to see them, just like we want to see all of our friends. It just takes time to see them all.
We talked about this recently and decided we’re going to quit beating ourselves up over that. We love our friends. We see them as often as possible. We just can’t feel bad when we can’t make it to every event. Otherwise we’re going to start seeing people as an item to check off a “to hang out with” list. We want to enjoy spending time with our friends and not feel guilty about it when we can’t.
3. Getting dogs in your first year of marriage is a horrible idea.
We both grew up as dog owners. We love dogs. But everyone and their mom warned us not to get a pet our first year of marriage. I was pretty adamant about it. Tom and I knew we wanted to get a dog eventually. But I was hardcore about not wanting any “responsibility to tie us down” that first year.
That lasted about three months. Tom and I started to talk about dogs. We missed having pets. We missed having a furry friend to pet and love on. We missed having someone with floppy ears and and a waggly tail in our lives. So we started to talk about “just going to look” at some shelters. We had some rules, though. Only a girl (easier to train, usually), no terriers (too much energy for an apartment), and not too big (again, we were in an apartment).
We got there, and Tom insisted on looking at these cute puppies. I tried to talk him out of it because I knew they were terrier mixes. When it comes to puppies, I hold one and want to take it home. I knew it would all be over if I picked one up. So I wasn’t going to pick one up. Until Tom talked me into it. Next thing I know, I’ve talked him into bringing home two puppies, a boy and a girl, both terrier mixes.
And it was awesome. They had (and still have) high energy. They were about the same to train, each surpassing the other in different areas. At least they weren’t too big. They’re medium/small dogs. But we love them so much, and I can’t even imagine our first year of marriage without them. Those 2AM potty breaks gave me and Tom something to bond us even closer, and we love them like they are our babies. We don’t regret it at all.
And, to counter all the myths, here’s a fact: Bears eat beets.
Sorry, that’s really just for fans of The Office, and not relevant at all. I don’t know if bears eat beets or not. But I couldn’t help thinking of that sketch from The Office when I wrote “False.” under the first myth. =)
I’m sure there are more myths out there that are commonly accepted as truths. There are probably some I have about being a parent, but I don’t know they aren’t true because I’m not a mom yet. Do you have any thoughts that proved to be myth later on?