Life Myths

There are some things that a lot of people I know think that just aren’t so. I used to think some of these things too. I thought I’d share a few.

1. When I graduate from college and am working, I will have so much more time to do whatever I want to do.

False. I thought that because I wouldn’t be working on homework, papers, research, etc. that I would have more free time. But I didn’t. I worked all day without a break (except for lunch). So I wasn’t caught up on emails, phone calls, or anything else when I got home. Plus there was housework, laundry, cooking, grocery store runs… A lot to do.

2. When I get married, I’ll have even more time to hang out with friends because I’ll see my spouse all the time since we live together.

Nope. We live together, but we are busy during the day. Tom’s at his job, and I’m either at work or at home cleaning or out running errands. When he comes home, the time is eaten up with side jobs, working out, making dinner, and many other things. We do eat together every night, and we do spend time together, but it’s not like all we do is sit on the couch and talk the night away. So when the weekend comes, we are ready to have a date night. We usually have one night of the weekend reserved just for us. If that means turning down something with friends, we do it because we want our marriage to be nourished with time together.

BUT we do want to see our friends and family. And we do seem to see someone or some couple one night almost every weekend. The problem, though it’s a good one, is that we have a lot of friends and family. So we always feel like we are dropping the ball on seeing someone. We especially feel bad when our unmarried friends feel like “you’re married and see each other all the time, so why can’t you make time for us?” It’s hard to explain that we don’t hang out all the time, and that we have to make each other a priority, yet we miss seeing them and want to see them, just like we want to see all of our friends. It just takes time to see them all.

We talked about this recently and decided we’re going to quit beating ourselves up over that. We love our friends. We see them as often as possible. We just can’t feel bad when we can’t make it to every event. Otherwise we’re going to start seeing people as an item to check off a “to hang out with” list. We want to enjoy spending time with our friends and not feel guilty about it when we can’t.

3. Getting dogs in your first year of marriage is a horrible idea.

We both grew up as dog owners. We love dogs. But everyone and their mom warned us not to get a pet our first year of marriage. I was pretty adamant about it. Tom and I knew we wanted to get a dog eventually. But I was hardcore about not wanting any “responsibility to tie us down” that first year.

That lasted about three months. Tom and I started to talk about dogs. We missed having pets. We missed having a furry friend to pet and love on. We missed having someone with floppy ears and and a waggly tail in our lives. So we started to talk about “just going to look” at some shelters. We had some rules, though. Only a girl (easier to train, usually), no terriers (too much energy for an apartment), and not too big (again, we were in an apartment).

We got there, and Tom insisted on looking at these cute puppies. I tried to talk him out of it because I knew they were terrier mixes. When it comes to puppies, I hold one and want to take it home. I knew it would all be over if I picked one up. So I wasn’t going to pick one up. Until Tom talked me into it. Next thing I know, I’ve talked him into bringing home two puppies, a boy and a girl, both terrier mixes.

And it was awesome. They had (and still have) high energy. They were about the same to train, each surpassing the other in different areas. At least they weren’t too big. They’re medium/small dogs. But we love them so much, and I can’t even imagine our first year of marriage without them. Those 2AM potty breaks gave me and Tom something to bond us even closer, and we love them like they are our babies. We don’t regret it at all.

And, to counter all the myths, here’s a fact: Bears eat beets.

Sorry, that’s really just for fans of The Office, and not relevant at all. I don’t know if bears eat beets or not. But I couldn’t help thinking of that sketch from The Office when I wrote “False.” under the first myth. =)

I’m sure there are more myths out there that are commonly accepted as truths. There are probably some I have about being a parent, but I don’t know they aren’t true because I’m not a mom yet. Do you have any thoughts that proved to be myth later on?


12 thoughts on “Life Myths”

  1. I dunno. In my case at least, number one is definitely not a myth. I have way more time now than I did in college to do a lot of things with my friends, manage my business, and travel. And I get to do things like sleep!

    But I kind of make it a point to not take on things if they’re going to be eating too much into my personal time, which is actually a large amount of hours/week. I turn down projects and “lifehack” so the upkeep of a way-too-big-for-one-person house doesn’t kill me. Of course, I’m not married though I was hoping the extra help and 2nd income would mean we could have even more free time and stuff but now you’re scaring me, hehe. 🙂

    1. That’s great that it’s not a myth for you! I think that living with Tom forces me to spend more time cleaning than I might have if I were on my own. Not saying your house isn’t clean, but I tend to be a bit messy, and I am more aware of my messes as Tom’s wife. I feel like I need to clean more often. Which probably is just me cleaning as much as I should anyway, but Tom’s a neat person, and I want him to live in a neat/clean environment. He has gotten over the fact that my desk is almost always messy, though.

      When you get married, the extra help & second income might help. We pretty much save my income, and I’ve found there’s twice as much laundry, twice as much to clean around the house, and more food to make (plus more dishes to wash). I do all of those things on my own with occasional help. Tom does most of the yard work for us. I do most of the indoor stuff. So, yeah, still pretty time consuming. But that works for us. Tom has side jobs that he does after work while I’m doing those things. If you marry someone who doesn’t do that, y’all can split the chores and have more time, like you said! It’s all in what y’all want to do.

      1. I pay to have my exterior taken care of so that helps. If things go as planned, I won’t have to ever cook either. If they don’t, well… it’s Chef Boyardee for the next 50 years. hah.

        1. I love Chef Boyardee! And it’s awesome that your boyfriend can cook. Tom’s limited to: hotdogs, steak, popcorn, sandwiches, and frozen meals.

          One day I plan to teach him. haha

  2. Our myth was that spending so much time together with nobody we know around would make us want to kill each other. That’s not true at all. We finally met our first friend from home (Jason Hilleary) yesterday for dinner after 4 months of not seeing a single friend (except you guys on Skype) but we haven’t had anything more than a typical argument and we enjoy our company more than ever now. We did this partially as a way to strengthen our marriage after almost never seeing each other while I was in school so I definitely understand setting time aside for you guys. It’s not healthy to never have alone time to yourselves.

    Oh, and you are on our “to hang out with” list when we get back. J/K, but we do want to hang out. 🙂

    1. I don’t think you are going to have to wait until we get back! I want to go visit you in NYC next year! =)

      Also, I can definitely understand that myth. It’s a totally new thing to take off for new cities with no friends and only each other for two years, pretty much. But I am not surprised at all that y’all are loving it, especially after all the time nailing down your masters! Glad you guys are having fun and that you got to see Jason, too!

    2. I’d be curious to know who has been spreading that myth.
      As long as you are married to your best friend then going away together for awhile will be nothing but awesome! At least that has been our experience 🙂

      1. =) I’m glad it’s been so great for both of you two couples to be moving out so far on your own. It sounds like fun and a great adventure. I love it!

  3. I’d say the dog thing definately depends on the type of dog (size, energy) and where you live (city/country, house/apt). I’d suggest that if to care for the dog well it needs 40+ minutes of undivided attention a day then it is a bad idea. I can envision where a dog could easily become the focal point of the relationship and you miss out on opportunities to grow as just the two of you. You definately bond in a way as you share the responsibilities (and fun!) of rasing a pup, but it is in different ways than when it is just the two of you. I’m so glad we waited awhile to get our dog.
    As you mentioned, one thing that definately helped you guys is that your dogs are small/medium and there are two of them. They can excercise each other and are small enough to do some of it inside without destorying everything.

    1. I guess that could be true, but 40 minutes a day doesn’t seem like that much to me. You were definitely right about how having the two of them helped a lot. We took them on walks together, so that was time spent together talking as well.

      If waiting to get a dog was a good thing for y’all, then I’m glad y’all did that! I think moving to a new ciyt in a new state (and already owning a cat) probably would have been enough to handle without adding a new animal to the mix if that wasn’t what you were sure you wanted to do. Like you said, it depends. For y’all, waiting was good. For us, we’re glad we didn’t.

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